We Graduated!

We are now certified and trained in two levels of Thai massage - wahoo!  Here are a few pics of our graduation - and if I look really happy it's because my prize for doing two weeks of school was a baguette and block of nice cheese (and I get to sleep in from here on out).  We both scored 10/10 on our final exam - whoooo wants a massage!?  We also received string bracelets and got traditional Thai wrap shorts - so now we can blend in with all of the other Westerners dressing like Thai folks.  I will miss getting massages nearly every day (both at school and after - it was for homework!), but I'm glad to be done with school.

   

All is well, but I have a few rants to get off my chest:

1. I cannot take hearing Bryan Adams - not one more time. I. Can't. Back during my Kevin Costner phase I could have listened to that one song a few times a day but I am over it.  Same goes for Celine Dion (any song - and I never had a Celine phase), or the Michael Jackson song, "Heal the world" (original OR instrumental).  One more time, Thailand - try it. See what happens.

2. RIP Racket of Justice.  They wouldn't let me take it on the plane.  Their silly fear of batteries exploding on planes (ok, kinda valid) means I had to give it away to some (now-happy) taxi driver.  GRRRRRRRRRRR.  We did good work, that racket and me (and Jefferson who spent each night clearing our front door area of mosquitoes so I could sleep better at night (and also because he just had fun doing it)). 

3. Where hath all the red Gatorade gone?  Thailand won't sell anything but the yellow and blue - and if you're super lucky you can find purple - but it's rare. What's up with that?

I feel much better now, phew!  This rant has been brought to you by Karen Hansen, Professional Photographer and Jefferson Hansen, retired Mosquito Hunter (but once a hunter, always a hunter, amiright?).
 

Mosquito Hunters

 

Heyo!  It's been a while because we've been super busy - but I'll get to that in a moment.  First, let's talk about the RACKET OF JUSTICE!  This gem, bought at a night market IS THE BEST.  It is shaped like a tennis racket and, when turned on and swung at the worst creature on the planet (the mosquito, of course) it zaps them!  A satisfying zap that you will see a video of once we leave the land of internet policing.  This RACKET OF JUSTICE makes up for me never getting a machete - about 100 fold.  We get lots of applause and cheers when we hunt in public places - it's really a public service.

Ok, so we've been busy at the Thai Massage School in Chiang Mai (yes, this is in Thailand - and yes, we are safe - they lifted the alert off of travelers going to Thailand).  We've been going to massage school from 9am-4pm each day and it's actually been really fun - if exhausting and like an all day workout.  A few highlights from school:
- We passed course one! Woo! We are now trained (ish).
- One of my instructors just sat next to me for a while asking why I was so pale and poking my leg like it was a great mystery - he even called the other teacher over to talk about it.
- They serve us lunch each day and MAN OH MAN is it spicy. No pad thai yet, dangit. (but don't worry - I have had it every single day elsewhere)
- Jefferson's partner for our exam was a lady about five foot nothin' - And she couldn't do some of the massage moves on him because she couldn't reach - ha!
- We learned a stomach massage that if done clockwise helps in the event of constipatin and counterclockwise for diarrhea - this could come in handy on our travels.
- Homework was coloring pictures in our workbook - best homework ever (and usually done over some beers).
- At one point I had my partner and an instructor both practicing on my legs and my partner said, "I bet you didn't wake up this morning and think two strange men would be massaging you at the same time, eh?"  Delightful.

School days were pretty much wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, get a gatorade to make up for all the sweating at school, have dinner, pass out, repeat.  We haven't had too many non-school days but we've spent a lot of time walking everywhere.  We even found a store that is basically the Whole Foods of Thailand - similar brands, similar atmosphere and everything.  At the end of two weeks of school my treat for even doing school will be a package of cheese and some bread purchased at said store - NOM NOM NOM.

The second day we were here, Jefferson also took a cooking course and learned to make two of his favorite Thai dishes (Green Curry and Tom Yum soup) as well as Pad Thai - my absolute favorite, I mean come on, is there really any other? However, while learning to cook me yummy dishes is great and all, in the end, the most important thing he got out of the class was how to say "no dried shrimp" for when I order pad thai.  Some places (as in all of the "good" places) put a bunch of miniature dried shrimps (head/tail/shell/yuck) in for flavoring and I don't like it one bit.  We've been free of it ever since his class!

We have, of course, had Mexican food already, plus I got to experience my first Change beer - which is Jefferson's all time favorite beer.  He says it's like playing beer roulette because the quality control is so poor here that some Changs are super strong and some weak - so you never know what you are going to get.  Unfortunately, Chang and my tummy don't get along (bad chang-overs), so I'm sticking with other beers. In fact, on St. Paddy's day we hit up one of two Irish pubs in town and had some Guinness and stew (and potato skins) to celebrate!

We are starting course two of massage school on Monday so wish us luck!  Then it's off to the beach!   

Happy St. Paddy's!

mmmm, Guinness!

   

Last day in Cambodia

Ice cream in tubes that taste like Captain Crunch.

For our last day in Cambodia (a land not for the weak of ankle) we took it easy by hitting up a coffee shop, doing some shopping/haggling, having ice cream from weird but tasty edible tubes, watching dancers (both traditional Cambodian dancing and a random drag queen dancing at the night market to a bunch of songs including Gangum Style - guess which dancing I liked best?), and then best (or worst) of all: we had our feet "cleaned" by a tank full of cleaner fish. I handled it like a champ.  That is a lie.  We have video of me dunking my feet in for the first time and if you turn your volume up you can hear my horrified squealing and chanting of "I hate this, I hate this" - but I survived!  And then to treat ourselves after that traumatic experience, we got foot massages - wahoo!

Once we figure out how to upload the videos we'll show you that - plus some adorable elephants walking by - and some oldies from Halong Bay.

Nom nom...

Nom.

 

Terrifying.

Traditional Cambodian Dancing.

Karen Hansen, Professional Photographer

  

 

I mean - look at that shot (above).  The angle, the lighting, the...verve.  So that's us at the famous Angkor Wat - can't you tell?  We decided against the bike riding even though it sounded great - and got a tuk tuk driver for the day.  We watched Tomb Raider the night before we got here, but didn't see any of the underground caverns she found or any of the angry fighting monkey statues.  Maybe next time.

Here are some other highlights of our day - six hour of hot hot hot temps and lots of temples.  If you take a million pics you are bound to get a few great ones, right?  See if you can tell the one's Jefferson took from the ones I took (if you click the pics they should get bigger for you to scroll through).

Ancient rock stacking technique?

Lookin' good

You can pick your friends...

Work it.

Possibly...

Ta Prohm.

That dragon got a big ol' butt.

Your zoom is on.

  

Karen in a big tree!

Karen at Ta Prohm.

Twinsies!

Bayon.

Own it.

Much better shot.

Cambodia

Welcome dranks at our hotel!

We got to Cambodia safe and sound and our hotel made us sit and relax to have some complimentary beverages and snack before showing us our room - it was really nice!  It's a cute hotel and if it wasn't so mosquito ridden, I'd hang out here more.  We're only here for 2.5 (extremely hot) days, so we're headed to see the temples of and around Angkor Wat next.  They are probably the best temples in the world...

Probably.

Welcome Dranks!

Mmmmm....

Hippies.

Hoi An, Vietnam.

Ok, let's talk about hippies.  Love to make fun of them.  They are just so...dirty.  So a lot of the backpackers and travellers we pass are dirty, dirty hippies and whisper it as they pass by in their harem pants (sorry, Archer) and scraggly hair.  Some of the pants we've been seeing are truly hideous - like harem pants where they are baggy but synch at the ankles with chaotic designs that do nothing flattering to the wearer.  I was making fun of said pants, until I got 18 bug bites (and counting).  Now I think the hippies may be onto something, so I got a pair (and haggled for it - ah!) of plain colored ones (I'm no hippie), and we'll see if they are comfortable in the scorching hot weather AND keep me from being mosquito food all day long. 

NOM

We are still in Hoi An (staying at the An Hoi hotel, obvi), and have found what Anthony Bourdain (TV food chef) decreed, "the best banh my (sandwich) in all of Vietnam" - and we've eaten there twice.  It is definitely one good sandwich - we had the chicken, the pork and then consulted another couple here and went back for "the everything with egg on top".  My favorite food so far has been the chocolate croissant that we get at patisserie down the street - NOM NOM NOM. 

NOM

NOM

Next up we were going to hit Saigon (aka Ho Chi Minh), but have decided to skip it and head straight for Siem Reap (Cambodia) to see Angkor Wat in all it's glory - be ready for a ton of pictures of that place.  It sounds pretty amazing.

 

Hoi An Bridge.

Tea Time at Reaching Out (cafe run by the deaf).

Rule #2 - No Stinking Things.

To the beach!

So tired.

 

 

We went to the beach!  This means we rented bikes ($1/day - what a bargain) and didn't REALLY go anywhere near the beach - but we rode three miles and looked at it from the street - then turned around and went home for dinner.

It was pretty!  We were tired!  My butt hurts! 

The South China Sea (I think).

Awkward beach pose. So pale.

One Get, One Free

Big man on a little train.

Heyo!  It's been a while because I was taken down with some tummy issues - (Chipoodles withdrawal? We may never know) probably from two weeks of foods I don't usually eat.  I am feeling much better today and Dr. Sarah Wild prescribed a beer to help - and I think it is working.

We took a night train down 16 hours or so from Hanoi to Hoi An (weird, right?).  With names like that I was afraid I was on a train going in a circle, but this town is much different from the one we left.  We also thought this would be a great experience - you get to your cabin, fall asleep for a while, and wake up in a new town.  That isn't exactly what 16 hours on a hard pallet felt like - and the bathroom on the train. (shudder)  Which led to me not eating or drinking much for about a day, which led to the tummy issues - and here we are!

HoiAn is a very touristy town and seems to be the place to go if you want something tailored to you (suits, ties, dresses, pants, shoes, sandals, you name it).  Since it is a touristy town, and now that I'm feeling better we decided to get massages!  There was a place proudly boating "one get, one free" - and even if our guide book advised against such places, we thought heck, let's roll the dice.  I would maybe equate the experience to me giving someone a massage for an hour if I was also multi-tasking and yawning a lot.

Basically I got walked on a lot by a small woman, Jefferson (from the sounds of it two feet away) got slapped around a lot, and there was an important phone call or two my lady had to take.  I assume she received dire news on the call because the massage got a bit aggressive after that.

Because of my tummy we haven't gone more than two blocks from our hotel so we've done a lot of what we do best - sit around and read.  That has been great but means no pictures - boo!  The only ones we have are from Jefferson taking a half day cooking course on Vietnamese cuisine at Miss Vy's school.  He enjoyed it and got a ton of food to eat.  Oh and of course, we had some Mexican food while we were here (not enough beans).  We're venturing out further tomorrow so we promise more pictures!  G'night!

Jefferson made cabbage soup with shrimp dumplings.

Hanoi beer, mmmmmm.

Jefferson made this Vietnamese pancake (savory).

Halong Bay in the fog!

Halong Bay

Our tour guide kept apologizing for such crappy weather, but it was beautiful in its own way. I like it when it is overcast, so I was pretty happy - but it did mean a limited view of the 2,000 islands of Halong Bay (see the many foggy pictures below).  I even busted Domo and Tigerduck out (finally) for scenic shot from our boat hotel room.

We stayed on the Glory Cruise (the type of boat is called a Junk) and the food was delicious.  I never did get to order the drink "Tequila Sunrice", but I was tempted.  I also thought our tour guide was joking when he said we'd feel fat afterwards, but they really pummelled us with all sorts of local dishes and I liked most of them.  Jefferson even got to roll his own spring rolls (while I drank a beer - typical).  The rooms were really nice - nicer than our hotel in Hanoi - and I didn't even get sick from the boat rocking - wahoo!  At night they set up squid fishing rods for us and one guy caught one!  The crew was so shocked that they all came out to fish for a while after - but we only ever caught that one.

Jefferson making a spring roll!

There were 19 other folks on the boat with us and I don't think any other group was of the same nationality - so that was pretty cool.  We had Aussies, French, Sri Lankan, German, Japanese, Spanish, English, Malaysian, and Filipino - and we had a great time with them.  The tour guide kept saying we would "party with our friends" and I just rolled my eyes (internally), but we did exchange some info with a few folks and may meet up with them again - so I stand corrected.

At the top of the caves.

Since it was so foggy there was no swimming or kayaking, but let's be honest - I wouldn't do either of those.  The bay was gorgeous but was so filled with trash and litter that it was a bit sad.  We did a paddle boat with the local folks that live on floating villages and it all felt very remote and peaceful until one of the older local ladies ring tone went off with some pop song and she answered her cell phone.  Us and just about every other cruise ship in the bay decided to tour the three caves instead - named the Surprising, Amazing and Shocking caves (I'm still not sure if our guide made that up).  They were pretty but I had to walk over 800 steps up and down to get there - and we all know how much I hate steps.  It wasn't that bad, actually - but it sure was crowded.

In general we like to avoid taking guided tours like this, but we were pretty pleased with how this one turned out. 

Halong Bay islands

Domo and Tigerduck at Halong Bay

  

Jefferson at Halong Bay

Karen posing on the junk (boat)

Excited cave faces

"Shocking" cave at Halong Bay

Excited (ish) faces riding a boat